Feng Shui--Is That Like Lo Mein?

Time: 00:00:00
Day: 1
Location: Starting line

Team Turtle: Nine minutes until show time. We can hear you just fine, so why don't you go ahead and start your first log?

Pokey: "What? Already? But, I don't know what to say first. Shouldn't I make some kind of formal introduction? Maybe a nice icebreaker game like--"

Team Turtle: No time. You can talk about anything you want, though, so go right ahead. Why don't you start by telling everyone about the race? You can tell them how you trained for it and your running strategy for today.

Pokey: "Running strategy? My strategy is: I want to win. That's pretty much it."

Team Turtle: Oh. Well then, tell them about your "happy place."

Pokey: Do I have to?

Team Turtle: Surely.

Pokey: Fine, but if I hear muffled giggling in these headphones, I'll stop!

Team Turtle: That's what our mute button is for.

Pokey: Haha, guys. Anyway ... well, my happy place is kind of ... complicated. I'm not a very zen sort of turtle, meaning I lose my focus pretty easy. Certain things get me all flustered, and before you can say, "Haagen-Dazs," I'm downing sweets to calm myself. So when I started training, Team Turtle thought it was best if I did some daily "mental exercises." Yeah, it was as lame as it sounds.

Team Turtle: Be nice.

Pokey: Heh-heh, I thought you said I could talk about whatever I wanted? So, anyhow, I had to come up with a "happy place." My happy place could be any scene from my imagination that made me feel all sunshine and teddy bears. I'm supposed to think about my happy place when I'm agitated, so I can focus again. First off, my happy place has been way tamed down. I had this whole scene worked out with rivers of lattes and biscotti boats, but it kept making me so thirsty that I ended up jogging to Greenbucks. You don't gain muscles by sipping coffee and reading celeb mags for an hour, you know? So, now my happy place is me and some flowers. Yay. The second problem, and the BIGGEST problem, is that my happy place could be the happiest place of all, but I don't think it's going to do any good when I see her.

Team Turtle: Do you really want to get into this right now?

Pokey: Oh, we are so in it. How can I not think of her? That cruel, snobby, cruel, vindictive, cruel, gossiping, cruel fashionista! Let me tell you all about the one, the only (thankfully)

HONEY BUNNY!

*Must find my happy place, must find my happy place, must find ...*

Life in the Passing Lane?

Time: 00:00:00
Day: 1
Location: Starting line

Team Turtle: Testing, testing, 1, 2, 3. Pokey, can you hear us?
Pokey: "... It's the thrill of the fight, risin' up to the challenge of our rival ..."
Team Turtle: Um, Pokey?
Pokey: "..and the last known survivor stalks his prey in the night ..."
Team Turtle: Is she singing 'Eye of the Tiger'? POKEY!
Pokey: Wha?? What?
Team Turtle: We told you already, kiddo: no iPod. You can't hear us in your headset when the music's on. Sorry, but it has to go.
Pokey: Aw, guys. The songs keep my legs pumping and get me super focused--
Team Turtle: Pokey ...
Pokey: And I just downloaded some new ones--
Team Turtle: Do you want to win or not? Think of Raeleigh ...
Pokey: *sigh* Why did you have to say that? I'm taking it off now. You're right: anything that comes between me and RL has to go. Ok, I'm all set.
Team Turtle: Good call. We're all clear here. As long as you have your headset on, we'll be able to hear anything you say during the race. You have ten minutes to warm up, and then it's showtime. Any questions?
Pokey: Yes. Would it be possible to have you guys transmit instructions to my headset in one ear, and in the other, play Timbaland's new--
Team Turtle: No.
Pokey: Just wondering ...